Published on | Prototyping: From UX to Front End — Medium Kirsty Tither

Coming to terms with being out of my depth as a designer

Playing Catch Up

I decided to make a career for myself in design relatively late on. After what I like to positively refer to as ‘a journey of discovery’ during my twenties, I had to settle on something of worth once I got into my thirties. For my sake, for my husband’s sake, for the sake of our small dog, I needed a steady full time job — preferably doing something that didn’t make me miserable and, as a consequence, horrible to spend time with.

I was well aware that so many of my peers — friends that I had trained with at university — were now holding down jobs as Creative Directors, having spent their twenties working up the ladder. I found myself as a thirty one year old unpaid intern who was wildly out of touch with design and tech and I felt a great deal of pressure (largely applied by myself) to get ahead quickly and make something of myself. Or at least earn some money.

Making a Leap

After some time in the luxurious position of being a trainee, where expectations were rock bottom and I could quietly try things out and start producing work of worth, the opportunity arose for me to take a paid position as a lone designer at a start up. It felt like a huge risk, but if I learned one thing through the example of my parents actions, it’s that you just give things a go — jump in with a gung-ho attitude and work out the details later.

So I went for it…

The sudden realisation of how out of my depth I was on day one was terrifying. I found myself welcomed as an expert, the all knowing knowledge of design, classed along with all others at the company as a ‘leader in my field’. I felt like a phony and an imposter — not up to the job and unable to meet people’s expectations.

Out of desperation I went into overdrive trying to absorb every ounce of anything I could put my hands on to try to prove myself. I was reading articles, listening to podcasts, had several books on the go, tuning in to webinars, signing up for online courses, joining Slack communities, subscribing to emails, searching for conferences to attend.

I was exhausted, emotional and still felt incompetent. I was filling my head too much and freaking myself out. I quite quickly burned myself out and had to take stock.

Taking a step back

So here’s what I’ve been working out since I took that job:

Listen to yourself

I have cycles or ‘seasons’ of productivity, which need to be followed by quieter periods of reflection and re-building. It’s a pattern that makes sense to me now, but is something that I’ve taken time to recognise in myself. I actively choose to give myself permission for downtime now, which goes against a tendency to keep going at full throttle until I physically can’t anymore.

Listen to others

People are fascinating. There are so many stories to hear, experiences to learn from and knowledge to glean from those around us. Make time for people and really engage in what they choose to share.

Ask questions

Ask and ask and ask until you get to the place that you want to get to. This one is hard for me, but I’m getting there. For fear of exposing myself as a fool or appearing stupid I’ve historically held back on posing questions, especially in a crowd. But in reality I’ve found that I’m usually not the only one who is in the dark wondering, so it’s better to just get it out. It’s okay to say “I don’t know that….but I’ll find it out”.

Learning from mistakes is hard but fast

All the articles, books, podcasts and seminars in the world can’t make up for your first hand experience. They’ll set you off in the right direction and arm you with tools, but you have to try, fail and succeed yourself.

Don’t worry about missing out

You don’t have to be signed up to every mailing list/group/meet ups/conference (etc etc etc…). Try some out, pick your favourites and take them in when you’re ready to digest the information they have to offer. It doesn’t have to become a never ending ‘to do’ list to stay on top of.

Take inspiration from everywhere

Keep your eyes open and notice what spurs you on and gets you excited. Use those things to inform what you do. The things that naturally speak to your core will be the most valuable to you.

Embrace what you don’t know

Knowing everything is impossible, you shouldn’t know everything, nobody expects you to know everything. But if something takes your interest then make some space for it if you have the capacity to. Or keep it in mind for when you can take it on board.

Remember that everybody is learning

It can be easy to think that others have got it all sorted and to draw unhelpful comparisons, but we’re all feeling our way through life. My experiences of going to conferences has often resulted in feeling inspired but also utterly deflated, as I’ve come away feeling like everyone has got it nailed and I’m doing everything wrong. But this is only half the story, and there’s always more that goes on behind the shiny scenes of a slick presentation or case study.

Be you — play to your skills and know where your vulnerabilities lie

Get to know yourself, notice what you do really well and give yourself credit for that. But be aware of what really challenges you and see if you can focus attention on strengthening those areas with a compassionate mindset.

Stretch your comfort zone

Do things that frighten you (even if only a little bit). Fear has a habit of kicking in when it’s not genuinely needed (for me anyway), when I’m not really in any physical danger. So do things that take a little bit of courage on your own scale. It can start small:

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” (Brené Brown, Daring Greatly)

Find some allies

Having people on ‘your side’ is a comfort at the very least. Whether it’s people to talk to, people who value what you do or people you enjoy collaborating with, these relationships help to affirm what we do and aid our growth. Reach out to people you meet, people online and take words from people who’ve been through similar experiences.

Give yourself time

Some things just take time. Gathering experience and knowledge takes time. You will improve, but that process can’t be fast forwarded, so enjoy it as it unfolds. This is an area where I’ve given myself the most grief. My ambitions have exceeded my ability and continue to do so.

Ira Glass has spoken eloquently about ‘The Gap’: a level of taste and a desire to create incredible work that can’t be achieved when you’re starting out. It feels frustrating, humiliating and disappointing, but you just have to ride it out, keep crafting, adapting and learning.

“It’s only by actually going through a volume of work that you’re going to catch up and close that gap, and the work you’re making will be as good as your ambitions.” (Ira Glass, The Gap)

Similarly Steve ‘Buzz’ Pearce talks about a scale of Impact in creative roles, where you simply have to go through the process of learning your craft and dabbling with invention before you’re able to start making an impact.

Steve ‘Buzz’ Pearce’s Impact Scale

Allow yourself that time, with all the enthusiasm you want, and things might just fall into place much quicker than you’d imagined. But don’t be disheartened if it’s taking a while to get more comfortable.

And that’ll be when you want to find your next challenge…

Feeling Vulnerable at Work was originally published in Prototypr on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Feeling Vulnerable at Work

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