Published on | Prototyping: From UX to Front End — Medium Andreea Drobota

“Hi, my name is Andreea and I am a graphic designer at an IT company in Cluj, and a part time freelancer”.

This is how it all started for me. I was invited to participate in this year’s TEDxEroilor event that took place between the 5th and 7th of May 2017. My input would be for the segment called “TEDxAdventures” which was a full day of interesting workshops.

I was approached by a friend that is involved in the organization staff behind TEDxEroilor, at first with just an unofficial proposal that went something like “I loved your pug illustrations, you should do a workshop in which you teach people how to do them”. I took it as a nice compliment and then moved on, since I knew that I could never hold a workshop in front of strange people, due to my huge fear of public speaking.

This went on for a couple of more times, to which I’d be like “yeah, I’d love to be part of the TEDx experience, but….I could never do that”. Then one day I just said a firm “YES” without thinking about it. I have no idea what got into me, the moment that “yes” came out, and I started realizing what I’ve done, I had a minor freak out in which I just wanted to crawl in a hole where I had no phone or internet reception. I did a lot of pep talks to myself, and encouraged myself that no matter what the outcome would be, this is a challenge for me, and I once heard that doing things that are outside your comfort zone, makes you live longer.

I had a minor freak out in which I just wanted to crawl in a hole where I had no phone or internet reception

I was only three weeks away from the event, and I had no idea what I was going to do, what my workshop will be about, or how I’ll handle my thoughts that were bombarding me with negative things that might happen. I decided that teaching people how to illustrate something is more difficult than teaching them some basic hand-lettering techniques. So in a heartbeat, and over an amazing salad soup lunch, I said that I’ll do a hand lettering workshop. Again, my mouth was doing the talking for me, accepting and then proposing the theme for the workshop made me have serious inner discussions with myself that went more or less like “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!”

Two weeks before the event, and I had recurring nightmares about all the bad things that could happen, from the building burning down just as I’m about to start, to an angry raccoon attacking me in the middle of my workshop, to more serious things like not being able to get a word out, or completely forgetting what I want to say.

Two weeks before the event, and I had recurring nightmares about all the bad things that could happen

The weekend before the workshop, I woke up confident about myself, and my skills, i had after all watched Skillshare tutorials everyday, i had this. So I woke up, made coffee for myself and for my husband, and kindly asked him if he was OK with me practicing my workshop with him. He was super supportive, and accepted my proposal. I grabbed a pen and my flip-chart, and realized that I had NO FREAKING IDEA where to start, what to say, and what my flow was. I panicked, I thought that i had this, that I was prepared, that I knew what to say, what to do. I did not.

I woke up confident about myself, and my skills, i had after all watched Skillshare tutorials everyday, i had this

See, up until then, I thought that I can just go there, step up in front of the people, and start doing stuff that would teach them basics about hand lettering. But I had nothing prepared, I was confident about my personal knowledge, but I never thought about organizing this knowledge in order to present it to people. I thought that it would be as easy as it was when i accepted the challenge. This was a real wake up call for me. In that moment I started realizing that I was more afraid because I was actually unprepared, not that I was genuinely terrified about talking in front of people.

I started realizing that I was more afraid because I was actually unprepared, not that I was genuinely terrified about talking in front of people

The final week before my workshop, I wrote my speech, I made my flow, I tested it out on my husband, and I went over it over and over and over and over… I was dreaming about it. Don’t get me wrong, I still had the fear that what I had to present was not good enough, and that people will be disappointed about my workshop, that I will go up in front of them, and lose myself, and the biggest fear then was that there was no turning back. Once I got in front of them, if I screwed up, that was it, they would all know, and I will go in full turtle mode and crawl in that no-internet, no-phone hole that I was talking about.

Knowing what I had to say, and being truly prepared in my flow and speech, helped me move past my, sometimes irrational, fears. I kept saying to myself that I am in charge of the workshop, I am there to teach some people a new skill, and I know that skill very well, I know where to start, and I know what I want to achieve with this. The only things that could go wrong at this point, would be the burning building, and the crazy raccoon. Those were not real things, and realizing that helped me.

Knowing what I had to say, and being truly prepared in my flow and speech, helped me move past my, sometimes irrational, fears

The day of my workshop I was so nervous that I thought I was going to faint. Before starting to talk to the people, I thought that my feet had gone numb and that I could not stand in front of them. My hands were shaking, and I knew that I had to draw, so that was an extra source of stress for me, cause I thought that I could not do it. I had however prepared my flip-chart with drawings of what I wanted to present, and that was calming me down because I did not have to think about not forgetting anything. I had everything prepared, and I kept saying that to myself while I was looking at the crowd that was building up, and at the time that was racing to get to the moment when I had to step up and start my workshop.

The day of my workshop I was so nervous that I thought I was going to faint

After saying those first few words, things just kept falling into place. People were engaged to what I had to say, that gave me confidence that they were understanding me and that I was getting through. I didn’t even realize when the time flew by, and even if I had made some mistakes, I did not give them as much importance as I would in my nightmares. People make mistakes, and I was ready for the worst possible ones, so a shaky hand, or not respecting a distance even if I said that it was extremely important, were not turtle-mode worthy issues.

The hand lettered greeting card that we all did in the ending of the workshop

I was extremely pleased with the response and the outcome, people came to me saying that things were much more clear to them now then they were before, and I loved that. That was what I wanted to achieve with the workshop, and those reactions were totally worth the craziness that I had put myself up for. In the end, it wasn’t half bad talking in front of people, and that was because I had something to say, and a crowd that wanted to hear it. The experience made me sleep for 14 straight hours after, but it was something that I would definitely do again, even if I still fear the public eye, I feel that it’s an experience that is worth having, at least once in the lifetime.

If I can do it, than anyone can do it! Achievement unlocked!

This was the moment where I thought that my legs will fail me. They didn’t!

How I overcame my fear of public speaking was originally published in Prototyping: From UX to Front End on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

How I overcame my fear of public speaking

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