Published on <a href="https://blog.prototypr.io/the-attention-of-few-personal-professional-relationships-b19bdc9182e4?source=rss----eb297ea1161a---4">| Prototyping: From UX to Front End &mdash; Medium</a> Haroon Aslam <img alt="" src="https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/1024/1*UCpUtxNizFvYGgh-RhRnqQ.jpeg">
There is countless studies on how togetherness generates happiness. The idea is built on sharing, caring, and proximity to people who reciprocate those emotions. Personally — our friends and family give us fulfillment through attention to our needs and well being. Professionally — our success depends on the collaboration and co-ownership of our company’s goals. The ideas you need to be happy professionally, and personally, are the same. Yet, here we are. Surrounded by tools that shortcut sharing, shortchange caring, and bypass proximity for convenience.
<h3>The Problem</h3>
This idea is inspired by some recent problems I’ve seen in my relationships both at work and at home. I have noticed how the lack of happiness at work and at play have a common connection — our increasing inability to give attention. A great read on the topic of happiness is “<a href="https://www.penguin.co.uk/books/305146/the-little-book-of-lykke/">The Little Book of Lykke</a>” — by Meik Wiking. I hope I have lot more ideas that make a connection back to this book.
<h3>The Setup</h3>
For all our advancements, there is one constant — our attention capacity. The number of distractions, and connections that demand your attention has never been higher. Yet, it’s not like you have more attention to give.
The current valuation of attention looks something like this: one tweet from Kylie Jenner, (Chloe? Kim? One of those humans.), dropped Snapchat’s value by $1 billion. Text messages can make or break relationships before they begin, because you *might* give too much attention. We take our laptops to meetings because we neither have time for the meeting, nor do we have time to reply to that email. Yet — here we are. Fucking up both tasks, simultaneously.
From our earliest days, we as people are setup to succeed in tribes. We empathize, and build a life with the people around us. You have the capacity to care about a finite number of people, and solve problems and develop common goals with these people. Whether that is your team at work, your marriage, your friendships, your interests, or your ability to meet new people. Somewhere in this equation, we are letting people down.
<h3>The Idea</h3>
A lot of people are talking about efficiency, and mindfulness as a way to combat the influx of information that steals our attention. And it’s fair — we can’t go back and have less of things, we’re only going up from here. I wanted to share a few ideas that are helping me make a difference in my relationships.
Idea #1: Acknowledge Your Value. Understand the value of your attention. Are you: A) someone with five amazing friends, thirty acquaintances, and 1,000 followers that all ask for your time? Or B), someone with some close friends, and some colleagues — and often find yourself asking for other people’s time? If you’re A — recognize you’re letting people down somewhere. If you’re B — stop chasing people who can’t give you attention. Somewhere in the middle, is a happier life for everyone.
Idea #2: Facilitate Meetings Like An Experience What if meetings were a chance to spend time with other people? Like that coffee date or catch-up with old friends, you would take time to understand what is happening. In your next meeting, try to make it among friends. Ask questions, draw a picture, and pay attention. Don’t be selfish.
<ol>
<li>As a facilitator, paint a picture of why that task is happening. As a facilitator, ask what is happening in the lives of your friend that will impact their ability to execute on that task.</li>
<li>And, as a participant, pay attention — because someone is taking the time to give you their attention.</li>
<li>As a manager, create a culture where attention and empathy is rewarded, because that’s how you build a successful team, and company.</li>
</ol>
Idea #3: Choose Your Tribe Invest in relationships that will generate a longer term value. Take the time to empathize with your colleagues past the task you ask them to do. Stop being satisfied with a life where a lot of people ask for your attention. If they have to ask, it means you already failed them because you weren’t paying attention. If you don’t have enough people in your life — don’t give up. Your attention is valuable, stop wasting time on people who don’t reciprocate it — and find people who will.
<blockquote>Stop being satisfied with a life where a lot of people ask for your attention. If they have to ask, it means you already failed them because you weren’t paying attention.</blockquote>
Personally, I’ve struggled to address this problem, because ironically, I can’t do it on my own. I need someone to care enough to give back the attention I give them. So — I don’t know if these ideas are going to work, but I’m trying. And I hope you do, too.
Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/tUPPJicAfxY?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText">Colin Rex</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/search/photos/lost?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a>
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<a href="https://blog.prototypr.io/the-attention-of-few-personal-professional-relationships-b19bdc9182e4">The Attention of Few: Personal &amp; Professional Relationships</a> was originally published in <a href="https://blog.prototypr.io">Prototypr</a> on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The Attention of Few: Personal & Professional Relationships

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